The year without

It was one year ago today that my beloved Mr. Bob left us. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him or miss him deeply. And while my life has been filled with so much excitement and joy this year (graduation! wedding! new kitten! new job!) there have been more than a few nights where I’ve cried myself to sleep missing him.

His preferred spot in the bed.

The grieving process is an interesting one. For weeks I blamed myself. I admit, sometimes I still do, until I remind myself I did the best I could. Then, the sweet and sad memories come. And then, finally, the truly happy ones. Like the many post-workout naps he shared with Eric in the sun.

Post-ride, post-lunch afternoon nap in the sun.

I knew it was true love when Bob and Eric became buddies. I used to joke that Bob loved Eric more than me. I know that’s not really true, but it warmed my heart to see the two of them together. Among my favorite memories are those of the evenings I’d come home from a long day at work and commuting and find Eric in the kitchen cooking with Bob perfectly perched on his shoulder.

But this is his most favorite spot: my lap.

And of the many hours I’d spend sitting, watching TV and working, with my laptop precariously balanced on my knees to make room for this adorableness. Choosing which photo of this pose to share was actually difficult, as I’d apparently taken dozens.

Mr. Bob enjoying some afternoon sunshine in “Grandpa’s chair.”

The hardest moments are those that sneak up on me. When I come downstairs and see the light hitting the chair just so and half expect to see him curled up there. Or when I wake in the middle of the night to the jolt of a cat jumping on the bed, but it’s not him.

I was blessed to have spent nearly 16 years with my beloved. I would give just about anything to have more time with him.

I miss you, my sweet boy.