Looking around, it was a bit of a challenge to find a couple of things that are making me happy in my immediate environment. I mean, other than food and Eric and the cats and friends. When thinking about the things around me, my most likely emotion isn’t so much happiness as anxiety, mixed with some resignation. And even, for certain things, a strong sense of dread.
The house is in a state of flux right now. We’re getting more serious about starting the kitchen work, and the front yard is waiting for a contractor to return a call so we can get started redoing that. The back yard, the garden, and most other rooms in the house have been somewhat neglected over the last couple of months. I’ve thrown myself into my new online social media gig a bit more heavily than I maybe should have, and coupled with my existing blogging goals for my “princess blog” and re-invigorating this blog, and a light sprinkling of depression, well… the house is a mess.
This anxiety is almost overwhelming at times, which, of course, makes it harder to pull myself out of any holes I happen to fall into. And, the worst part is, I know it’s all self-inflicted. The sense of “oh, that needs to get done too” is all coming from me. The feeling that I’m not doing enough is all from my own head.
Which, of course, is why it’s so important to take a few minutes to look around more clearly and really focus on the things that bring me joy.
The Christmas cactus (which has never been transplanted) is enjoying the change in the the weather, and putting on loads of lovely buds. It’s even flowered once or twice! I keep thinking I’ll transplant it, but it seems so happy where it is.
I get a happy, warm feeling every time I walk by our adorable pie-topper. I just can’t believe we actually got married! And I’m so so so happy with Eric and all the wonderful things he does and how much he loves me even when he doesn’t understand how my brain works.
While the back yard and patio areas is mostly filled with dead plants in pots and leaves everywhere, the pink sourgrass is just coming back into its true beauty. I know some people think of these as weeds, but I think they’re beautiful. And it’ll make this lovely mounding pink puff all winter.
And last, but certainly not least, even when I’m disgusted by my gross and messy kitchen (gross because it needs a serious overhaul AND because it’s often in need of a serious cleaning), I just have to look at the stack of jars on the windowsill, filled with beans and grapes and other miscellaneous dried goods that will get used eventually. There were more jars of beans here until recently when I made a big pot of mixed beans and spices for our breakfasts. But, slowly, over the winter, I’m sure I’ll restock it with a cup of this and a cup of that from the farm, and various dried veggies and fruits I plan to make with my new food dehydrator.