There’s something you need to know about me…


I’m not really a bitch. No, not really. I’m a recovering doormat. I like the handle “itchbay” because, well, I’m aware that I’m entirely too nice too often, and I like irony.

When people hurt my feelings, take advantage of me, or otherwise act badly at my expense, I *do* get hurt, angry and defensive. But it doesn’t usually last very long. I’m very quick to forgive. Sometimes too quick. It’s a testament to my trust in others and my eternal sense of optimism that I cannot believe that some people would really do something like that to me on purpose. It would have to be inadvertent or the result of some external problem.

I wind up giving people second, third, ten chances, with the hope that maybe I misunderstood them originally, or wasn’t clear enough, or some small change in our interactions will change how they act. I know… dumb, right?

So, you can imagine how much of a real d-bag a person would have to be to push *me* to my absolute limit.

The really funny part (in that not-actually-funny way) is that these people are so used to me giving in, that when I finally tell them “no” — even in the kindest, most straight-forward, unemotional way — they get ravingly angry. They pull out all the stops: manipulation, promises, anger, name-calling. I guess they think they can still bully me into giving them what they want.

What they haven’t learned (some after many years of knowing me) is that I may take a long time to make up my mind about something, but once it’s made up… it’s made up. You cannot out-stubborn a Capricorn. You’ll have better luck moving the mountain from under the goat.

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One thought on “There’s something you need to know about me…

  1. This is a charming piece with gusto, my friend! I am partial as I can relate to similar dealings with peeps, as you may imagine. Maah! Baaaah! {sound of goat}.

    Or I prefer to make the sound of “hue” out loud to feel the vibrations. It feels to me like this toning releases my emotional energy blocks. It is my dharma-esque way of creating emotional freedom!

    Ah, it is discouraging finding that 95% or more of the population seems deadened to what I honor as “vital sensory capacity.” It feels assuring, though to embrace that hope for the “inkling chance of transformation”, does it not? Even for a fleeting moment. It is those nano-moments that do matter and they do-I believe- create a rippling effect for higher consciousness across the land. I believe change is happening, as long as we hold our thoughts for these people or forces with love, as they really know not what they do, not consciously anyway. Or I suppose you may point out some folks are consciously toxic! That is a problem. Not ours…

    These experiences have ultimately given us a lesson to make a stand for our own limits. It teaches us that we are entirely Okay to eliminate toxicity. As we learn to live in the moment, we come to be present in the now, which certainly may still require limit setting!

    Keep shining your light for all to see Karenish! You are “all ways” loved from my angle. Thank you for sharing your truth.

    ~pauladharma

    Like

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