Well, I’m happy to report that I made it out of the house today and went to the Farm to observe the kids. But that’s pretty much the only real thing I accomplished today. I haven’t even looked at any of my homework, and now I’m playing hooky from my Wednesday night class. I feel a little bad about that, but more relieved. But I should be doing some kind of homework or class reading, but instead, my only interest is in watching TV and playing Aion. Which tells me one thing: I’m hiding from something.
It’s my hope that this hiding is supporting some kind of mental/emotional processing.
Ever since I quit my job, I really haven’t had a chance to create my new life, or at least come up with my new life goal. I jumped into the classes I’m taking now based on an old life goal and a vague idea of which way I want to go. After three months of classes, I’ve even more unclear about what I want. Or, more precisely, I’m more unclear about how to go about getting to where I think I want to go.
The perfectionist in me thinks I need to always be current on all my school work and reading, but the part of me that is unsure about how this fits in wants to just do the bare minimum and then use my energies elsewhere.
Over Spring Break, that “elsewhere” was in the garden. I spent most of the week outside, pulling weeds, digging in the dirt, forming the garden, and planting stuff. I woke up every morning chomping at the bit to get out and get stuff done. But now that much of the hardest work is done, and the weather is back to cold and rainy, I don’t have that get-up-and-go anymore.
It’s kinda sad that I don’t have that excitement about anything else right now.